- Allie – My wife. Had an affair with Mark
- Mark – Was married to Carrie at the time of the affair with Allie
- Carrie – Mark’s betrayed wife
- Bob – Me. Betrayed by Allie.
In May of 2018, Carrie filed for divorce from Mark after she learned of the affair he had with my wife Allie.
One of the costs of having an affair is divorce. Divorce means that not only will you be split from your spouse (which some people may welcome) but it also means that you’ll probably be isolated from holidays, family events and social functions.
Here are some of their family events that Mark has missed out on because he chose to have sex with someone who he wasn’t married to. This is just since March 2018. It is costing him lots of money too.
- His son Drake turned 18 – in May
- His son Drake graduated high school in June
- His daughter Kallie turned 14
- Mark’s own birthday was in April
You might ask how I know these things. Well, I am friends with his wife on Facebook and I was friends with him too. He blocked me and Allie the day I discovered the affair.
I honestly don’t get it. Allie says to me last night to have some empathy for her. I honestly have tried. I have made lots of mental attempts to put myself in her shoes, trying to feel how she felt. Trying to figure out a way to justify cheating on my spouse. I simply can’t.
I can’t get there because it costs way too much. It costs everything and the betrayal is so deep and so pervasive that I simply cannot get to a point of justification. I can get to a place of wanting divorce. I am there now. I have wanted a divorce many times since discovering the affair a couple of months ago. While I never wanted one before, I now can totally empathize with those who do want to get divorced. But cheating? Nope. Can’t get there. I just don’t think that there is one good reason. Any reason given should be getting a divorce instead.
Why end a marriage in disgrace? Why invest that much of your life only to leave a legacy of pain, destruction, betrayal and dishonesty? When you leave honorably, it costs you way less. Sure, it hurts. But it is a lot better than having an affair.
It took some level of maturity to get married. You’d think that 18 years after our wedding day, that person would have more maturity. That maturity could lead her to say, “I want a divorce” prior to having an affair.
If you’re honest, kind, honorable, truthful and sincere, then a marriage can be ended peacefully and with grace. You just have to have the balls to do it that way. If you end your marriage with honor and peace that WILL come back to you. I believe in Karma. In the Bible version, Karma is reaping and sowing. You reap what you sow. If you sow destruction, lies and affairs, you WILL reap those same things in the future.
We see it all the time. When a couple who gets together during an affair gets married, they have a nearly 100% fail rate. 100%!!!!!!!
Thus, if you start your “relationship” by having an extramarital affair, then it is likely your relationship will end the same.