So, I am married to the “other woman.” My wife Allie had three affairs; two with married men. The most recent married man, Mark, is no longer married. Carrie, Mark’s ex, divorced him.
I think about this part of her affairs quite often. Ran upon this one day on FB and thought I would share it. It speaks volumes. It works in reverse as well for the betrayed husband. (me)
The Other Woman
The betrayed wife, after discovering an affair, takes such a hit to her self-esteem, and she questions what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to her husband. Was she sexier? Was she better, somehow? Why did the other woman get the best parts, when she was left with the worst of her …wayward husband? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not better, or more attractive. She does not get the best parts of the husband.
What’s attractive about the other woman is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure wayward husband, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to take down. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man.
The wayward husband, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath him, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down.
If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you, the faithful wife. You’re beautiful, and strong and probably the mother of his children. The truth is, the other woman could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little that wayward husband offers to them.
She accepts the very worst parts of the wayward husband; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash and has no conscience. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd.
She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.
So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. In the end, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not the betrayed spouses’. After all, she wasn’t able to keep him even considering he was in a “bad” marriage to a “unloving wife”.
Because isn’t that the way it always is? How pathetic that she’s given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.
Retake your position at the front of the pack, betrayed wife. More often than not, it’s you he’s fighting for; it’s you he’s sorry for; it’s you he’s trying to be a better man for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.
Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down. The other woman had to be broken deep inside in order to crawl in bed with a married man and accept your leftovers instead of being strong enough to find an unattached man on her own.
She had to be so broken to not care about you, the faithful wife, the children who would be wounded and all the lives destroyed by her actions and participation… and I bet she will not accept any responsibility for those actions. She will hold her hands up in false innocence when the curtain is pulled back to reveal the disgusting acts she committed against your family.
Betrayed wife, hold your head high. YOU were strong enough to remain faithful and love a man who used your trust for his own selfish desires. He has devastated your life, but you can end the pain you are feeling. Use the strength inside you to pick up the pieces and begin living again.
And if you are the rare gem who has decided to give your wayward husband the precious gift of a second chance, I applaud you. YOU are invincible in your strength and courage. Take a deep breath, dry your tears for the millionth time and carry on, my dear. Because nothing can keep you down for long.