Who is the other man?

So, I am married to the “other woman.” My wife Allie had three affairs; two with married men. The most recent married man, Mark, is no longer married. Carrie, Mark’s ex,  divorced him.

I ran upon this one day on FB and thought I would share it. It speaks volumes.

The Other Man

The betrayed husband, after discovering an affair, takes such a hit to his self-esteem, and he questions what it was about the other man that was so attractive to his wife. Was he sexier? Was he better, somehow? Why did the other man get the best parts, when he was left with the worst of her? The truth is, that is not how this works. He is not better, or more attractive. He does not get the best parts of the wife.

What’s attractive about the other man is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure wayward wife, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to take down. The self-assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those men want nothing to do with a married woman.

The wayward wife, needy and looking for someone to boost her ego, must look for someone beneath her, someone who will look up to her, someone who will make her feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down.

If he happens to be in better shape, or better looking – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you, the faithful husband. You’re brave, and strong and father of her children. The truth is, the other man could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little that wayward wife offers to them.

He accepts the very worst parts of the wayward wife; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken woman. Her behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with him. He accepts trashy behavior, because he is trash and has no conscience. He has no self-esteem because he knows his value … his value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd.

He accepts his cheating ways and low-life behavior because he knows his place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles him out, and uses him for his own selfish reasons in her quest to be admired.

So what happens when we catch her with him? Most often she leaves him where she found him, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when she found him. He’s worse for the wear. In the end, it is his self-esteem that is eroded, not the betrayed spouses’. After all, he wasn’t able to keep her even considering she was in a “bad” marriage to a “unloving husband”.

Because isn’t that the way it always is? How pathetic that he’s given the answer to the test, gave it his all, and he still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

Retake your position at the front of the pack, betrayed husband. More often than not, it’s you she’s fighting for; it’s you she’s sorry for; it’s you she’s trying to be a better woman for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.

Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down. The other man had to be broken deep inside in order to crawl in bed with a married woman and accept your leftovers instead of being strong enough to find an unattached woman on his own.

He had to be so broken to not care about you, the faithful husband, the children who would be wounded and all the lives destroyed by his actions and participation… and I bet he will not accept any responsibility for those actions. He will hold his hands up in false innocence when the curtain is pulled back to reveal the disgusting acts he committed against your family.

Betrayed husband, hold your head high. YOU were strong enough to remain faithful and love a woman who used your trust for her own selfish desires. She has devastated your life, but you can end the pain you are feeling. Use the strength inside you to pick up the pieces and begin living again.

And if you are the rare gem who has decided to give your wayward wife the precious gift of a second chance, I applaud you. YOU are invincible in your strength and courage. Take a deep breath, dry your tears for the millionth time and carry on, my dear. Because nothing can keep you down for long.

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