Who we seek out

In my continued healing process, I am reading a book called “Psychopath Free” It is an absolutely amazing book and I have underlined the vast majority of it as I am reading. The amount of similarities to Allie can’t be overstated. She exhibits 90% of the traits described by the author. I recommend it for any man who’s been cheated on. It helps explain the narcissist, sociopath and other toxic people. Cheaters almost always exhibit these traits.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

Here are a few more things I picked up from my reading in other places. I thought I would share them with you men. It is from a book on alcoholics. But some/much of it pertains to attention seeking, cheating wives.

  • We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
  • We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
  • We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
  • We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
  • We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
  • We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
  • We became addicted to excitement.
  • We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
  • We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).
  • We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
  • We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
  • Alcoholism is a family disease, and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
    Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

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