I met a woman. No, not like that. I am committed to being divorced PRIOR to being with another woman. Even though my wife had an affair with Mark. I have actually known this woman since about January and I always sensed something very special about her and her husband.
Her name is Molly and her husband’s name is Bryan. I have spoken with her over the last several months when we are both at martial arts classes with our kiddos. She seems to have an awareness that you don’t find in many women (or men for that matter)
Molly is 42 and only two months older than Allie. She’s attractive, but dresses like a bum. She has two children and her hubby is an FBI agent. Molly was texting me a question about real estate and we started chatting via text. The subject of how difficult marriage and kids can be came up and I told her that Allie and I were seeing counselors.
After a few minutes, I decided to take a risk and share the affair with her. Immediately, she started giving me insight that was completely amazing. As a mom and a woman who is exactly the same age and stage as Allie, she is “reading Allie’s mail.” Without knowing much of our story, Molly started sharing about how Allie could have gotten to a place of having an affair.
She told me about how women who are in their 40’s are very insecure. They are aging and they don’t want to be left alone when their old. They are getting ready for menopause and that is weighing heavy on them. The see young girls with perfect bodies and legs and they compare themselves. Allie does all of those things. Though Allie is perfectly gorgeous, she compares herself. She participates in lots of negative self-talk. She expresses fears about being older and alone.
Molly has seriously talked me off the ledge a few times. She has given me a compassionate insight into Allie that I can’t easily explain. She tells me how the affair happened, she tells me how tempting is would be to have a guy go after you like that.
It has helped me be empathetic. Has it solved everything? Far from it. There is still huge pain. And the looming question of how a person makes a jump from temptation to an affair. That jump, I am told, is the core issue. It may be arrested development or it could be purposeful rebellion. I don’t think it is rebellion, although Allie mentioned that word today. She said that she felt like a teen who didn’t want to be controlled.