Forsaking all others?

Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her so long as you both shall live?

If you’ve ever been to a wedding, seen a wedding in a movie or been married, you’ve heard some version of the above vows. Here’s another way it’s said:

 I promise to be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, help and care for you; I will share my life with you

For cheaters, perhaps vows should be written like this instead.

I will be faithful to you….

  • Unless my needs aren’t being met at home
  • Unless I feel dead in our marriage
  • Unless a hot guy comes along who pays me a lot of attention
  • Unless you gain weight
  • Unless you are disconnected from me
  • Unless you become depressed or sad because your mom and dad pass away
  • Unless I feel lonely
  • Unless I am having trouble communicating with you
  • Unless we have a big argument
  • Unless I get bored with our sex life
  • Unless I am not getting enough sex from you
  • Unless I don’t want to have sex anymore
  • Unless I am feeling down about myself and need someone else to affirm me
  • Unless someone else makes me feel beautiful
  • Unless I can come up with other reasons.
  • Unless I have daddy or mommy issues from when I was growing up
  • Unless I was molested by a 7th grader when I was in 7th grade
  • Unless my dad cheated on my mom and I don’t want to become like her….alone when I am older.

Other than those, I should have a pretty reasonable expectation to be faithful to you. So, you can be secure in that.

If it sounds a bit selfish, it is. Cheating is selfish. Cheating is so completely self-centered, dishonoring, disrespectful and disgusting that there really is no good reason. Perhaps you can relate with one of the “unlesses” above. If so, then go to your spouse and say these words:

“I love you. But I am not feeling beautiful around you. I am giving you six months to help me feel beautiful or I am going to ask for a divorce. Then I will go out and find someone who does make me feel beautiful. I won’t stay married just because it’s convenient because feeling beautiful is my number one priority.”  (Fill in whatever excuse you have in this phrase)

You see, you had whatever maturity it took to walk down the aisle and say those words. You started your marriage with honorable intentions. Now, end it the same way. With honor. With respect. With kindness.

I am not against divorce. There are plenty of reasons for that. If you truly aren’t getting your needs met AND your spouse refuses to do something AFTER you’ve presented that phrase above, then get divorced. And then, find someone who will meet your needs.

But, DIVORCE FIRST!  That is the honorable thing to do. Even if it is less comfortable, it is honorable. It is respectful. Give them a chance, then move on. But don’t cheat.

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