“You” Statements

Blaming someone else makes you a victim. Victims are powerless people. Being powerless means that you have no control over a change. Therefore you’re at the mercy of the other person changing to get your need met. In order to get the other person to change, you will manipulate or try to control them. So, you introduce destructive behaviors into a situation in order to get your need met.

Cheaters blame the other person often. Non-scientifically, I would venture to guess that when someone is unfaithful to their spouse, they will 100% blame the other person in one way or another. I wrote about blame some time ago. Basically, the cheater will make a lot of “you” statements. Sounds a lot like these:

  • “You weren’t meeting my needs”
  • “You were not there for me”
  • “You didn’t care enough about me to take care of your physique”
  • “You didn’t surprise me”
  • “You weren’t pursuing me”
  • “You never paid me any attention”
  • “You made me feel lonely in our marriage”
  • “You don’t pick up your socks”

There are much better, non-blaming, non-controlling ways to say these things. There are ways to go about expressing feelings, needs and emotions without damaging the relationship





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