I choose me

Wrote a note to Allie that I never sent. She said that I was choosing women on Facebook over her.

If you’re just tuning in, Allie had three affairs. This entire blog is about my process through this after finding out on March 20, 2018. Wanna read it? Start here instead.

Here is my response to her that I wrote but never sent. I sent a much shorter response.

The only person I am choosing over you is me.

I am choosing to draw the line and commit to myself. The line is saying that where you went is not okay. What you did, even if it was a symptom, was so destructive that I need some space and time.

I am working on me, my healing, my desires, my dreams, my life, my values.

When I needed you most, during a painful journey with my mom, you abandoned me for Derek.  You piled on blame and confused me with your deception. You covered your tracks with lies and betrayed me while breaking our vows and the promise you made me six years ago.

I haven’t even been able to fully process my experience with my mom dying.  I wanted to write a small memoir to her but I have been more than distracted by your affairs.  I fear by the time I get to really pour myself into grieving her it will be too late.

Then, to make it even worse you added an affair with Mark.  You gave yourself fully to him. Fell in love with him and repeated and expanded the betrayal, lies and deception.

And you tell me that I am the one giving up?   That it isn’t personal?  That it isn’t against me?

I am destroyed by this.  So it really feels like it is against me.

I have forever changed. I have lost the ability to believe. Lost the adoration and admiration I had for you.  You were better than how you decided to behave. And I deserved way more than how you treated me.

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