Pick a lane!

When your wife has had multiple affairs, but still wants to work it out and stay together, it is sort of like highway driving. You have to pick a lane!  Which way are you going honey? Are you on the highway with me in my lane or are you needing attention from other men?  You can’t have both.

So, I have been seeing a therapist, and we’ve been doing counseling. It’s all very expensive when someone decides to step out of a marriage like my wife Allie did. We will be in this for about $10k in therapists and counselors before it’s all over. Crazy right? I think so. Would have been much cheaper to get her thrills somewhere else or to exit the marriage respectfully and honorably BEFORE having an affair.

Okay, back on point. Yesterday I saw the therapist and we talked. And she asked me the hard questions. And asked if Allie and I have had some discussions. Here is a summary of questions and talks that the two of us need to explore.

  • How is is possible for Allie to be “all in” as she claims when we’re only four months removed from her being in an affair? An affair justified by her disdain for our marriage?
  • Does Allie know 100% that if it happens again, there will be no third chance?
  • Have we discussed the pattern and if Allie is really operating on the fantasy of narcissism? (this one is more complex so I will save it for another post)
  • Do I have any hidden agenda?  Basically, is there a thought in me that says “this may not work out.”  The answer of course is “yes” now that my wife has cheated again.

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